*** OM SHANTI OM ***
November 2008
I sip on a hot sweet chai overlooking the Taj Mahal from an overcrowded polluted noisy rooftop restaurant in Agra, still feeling the effects of the spicy cumin egg I ate from the street last night. I feel like I’m in a tranced out state. My body and brain feel super hazy and it’s like I’m walking in a dream. Only two days ago I left what felt like ‘jail’ at the time. Did I really just complete a month of what at times felt like a cult, completely out of my comfort zone, and a whole new perspective on life? Or was it a cosmic illusion of what they told us the world actually is?
The first alarm clock would go off at 4am. I’d roll over trying to block my ears, swearing in my head, trying to fall back asleep, but with 10 other alarm clocks from around the world going off between 4am and 5.30am this proved quite difficult. I’d drag myself out of bed in silence, put on my uniform and walk into the hall filled with 70 other yogi’s from around the world who had all come to do this course for different reasons. The colours chosen for the uniform signified purity and growth- white trousers with a yellow baggy t-shirt. We sat in lines, cross legged, spine erect in silence before our gurus, the Swamis (celibate monks dressed in orange cloth) started talking in a very calm meditative speech about being at ‘one’ with yourself, and the goal of self realisation. We would do about 10 minutes of pranayama (breathing) exercises to control our vital energy before sitting in silence for 25 minutes where we got told to focus on the shining white light between our eyebrows, our 3rd eye, the Ajna chakra. By this stage my mind was already wondering and my thoughts would go to an epic fresh powder run skiing or climbing a rock face, or to friends and family around the world. I would try to focus on thinking of ‘nothing’ and the ‘light’, but my thoughts again would run to: This place is freakin’ crazy! Is this a cult? Why did I come here? Am I really paying to do this?
With the Sai Baba's - Blessings
Next up was chanting. By this stage, the sun had already risen and the hundreds of monkeys and birds outside were already awake. We would sing to Ganesha to remove obstacles from our life and to Hare Krishna, Shiva and the Divine Mother for guidance. After the first couple of days, I got to a stage where I did not want to sing to ‘Hare Krishna’ anymore, or chant ‘Ommmmmm’, or bow down to Shiva, or receive the ‘light of knowledge’ that the Swamis passed around.I felt so ignorant. I had no idea that I was going to immerse myself in this for a month. I could feel and see myself getting more negative by the day. The feeling of quitting became even stronger. Where had my positivity of life gone? I saw a new side to myself to say the least. I couldn’t work out why I was feeling this way, when yoga is all about ‘peace of mind’. I kept thinking if anybody could see me now, they would be running to get me out of here!
After the chanting stopped, there would be a life lesson read from a book from the Indian founder of Sivananda yoga, Swami Sivananda. Lessons would be taught about the path to happiness, being at ‘one’ with your self, the path to enlightenment or the cosmic energy of the world. At long last it was 8am and it was time for 2 hours of Asana’s (yoga), more pranayama (breathing exercises) and Savasana (relaxation). The English group I was in only had 4 native English speakers; others had come from Iran, Portugal, Israel, Sweden, Columbia, Brazil and Germany. Most of them had been practising yoga for years; I, on the other hand, was pretty fresh to it.
With my yoga crew xo
At 10am, my rumbling stomach would finally get fed with breakfast after I’d already being awake for 5hours. The ‘Hare Rama’ chanting would once again start before we were allowed to eat. It took quite a while to get used to eating ‘yellow mush’ with rice at this time of morning and sitting on a hard marble floor. We would get served dollops of yellow dahl on a plate by the crew of smiley Indian men who walked past, shouting ‘daaaaaaahl….. you waaaant daaaaaahl?!” While eating, we’d find flies in our water, watch the playful monkeys above us and even the odd rat running past.
Breakfast - doesn't look so flash but I was into it!
Next up was Karma Yoga. My job was to clean the monkey shit (which super stinks) on the rooftop where we had our yoga classes. We’d scrub the roof’s down with water that came out of a hose like a dribble, along with a home made Indian broom (made out of bundled up sticks) in the hot humidity of the day whilst covering up to not show any skin. At times I felt so hot, lazy and over sweeping with the resources we had, compared to the smiley Indian boy who does this as his Karma yoga everyday of his life. He happily sang songs to Hare Krishna whilst he scrubbed every inch of dirt of the rooftop floor. A true example of doing an ‘action’ and not expecting any reward. 
Karma yoga on the roof top with Mao and Heidi!
By the end of the month we were cracking jokes even though we only understood a few of each others words and he again showed me how much I take for granted in the western world. I’d have a quick shower to get rid of the accumulated dirt and monkey shit from the rooftop floors before getting back into my uniform to hear the next hour’s lecture of the Bhagavad Gita. The Bhagavad Gita has been acclaimed to be a gospel of life offering satisfactory solutions to the problems that beset man kind of all times.
Next up was a two-hour lecture on either the Vedanta philosophy, the human body, the Law of Karma, or meditation techniques. Vedanta is the oldest recorded scripture in the world that was found in the Himalayas before any religions were ever created. We were taught how ‘you are not your body’, ‘nor your mind’, ‘nor your emotions.’ You think you are because of Upadhi (the veil that covers us), but the world and you are a cosmic illusion. We got told about how we have three bodies and that the goal of life is ‘self realisation’. And that in ‘each’ life we go further up the chain to the end goal of ‘Samadhi’, which is where pure bliss is attained and your body falls off in three days.
Me and Mao , my Espania friend.
My bags were ready to be packed after the end of week one. I had just had had enough. I loved the four hours of yoga a day, but for the other seventeen waking hours of the day, it all felt too much and too hard. I approached the French Swami and told her I was ready to leave. She told me that because of ‘Karma Yoga’ I was meant to be here, and that as I had done yoga in my past life, I had something to complete here. I also wouldn’t get my money back, which represented months of summer savings.
"Jaya Ganesha, Om Namah Shivaya"
I started to question my reasoning for coming here. I wanted a certificate so that I could teach Yoga and combine it with skiing and climbing as a way to keep flexible and focused. I also want to create an environment one day where people can get away from their stresses and worries of life and be more aware of ‘living in the moment’. And on a personal level, to gain a deeper understanding of inner peace of mind, gain flexibility and to learn more about preventative health care.I knew I had to give it one more week and break down each day into little goals to get through. Memories came back from the teachings at ‘Full On’ and especially ‘The Frame’; that however we SEE something in life will effect the direct RESULTS we get. I knew I had to change the way I ‘saw’ it.
The next week we learnt more about Satvic, Rajasic and Tamasic – the three Gunas of the world. Satvic people are happy, calm, pure, contented with their life and have dispassion for worldly pleasures. Rajasic people on the other hand are egotistical, believing that their way if life is the right way and only way. Whilst Tamasic people are dark, dull and lazy! I could see myself at that moment falling into the ‘Rajasic’ category. From my middle class European upbringing, I had a pretty sound belief of how I saw life, what my values were and how I wanted to live my life. In other words ‘egotistical’. And whilst I thought I was very open to different cultures, ways of life and religions through the travelling I have experienced and culture exposure as a child, I suddenly realised I wasn’t.
Getting blessed by the Sai Baba's*
The reasons I thought of quitting were because I didn’t want to listen to what felt like sometimes ‘preaching’ and what I didn’t always believe to be true. I thought, “why do I have to sit here cross legged in silence for a large majority of the day, for one whole month chanting to Hare Krishna, when I know what I already believe and want from life?” I also didn’t want to turn into a new-agey ‘emotionless’ person, wearing excessive beads and chanting OMM . A new thought entered my brain, “Emi - just be open minded, you might even learn a lot from these people. Take it day by day, week by week and take and leave what you want.”
By week three, when I thought that things were more chilled out and couldn’t get anymore ‘out there’, I was in for a surprise. It was Kriya time, which means cleaning your body from the inside out. The seventy of us gathered in the temple garden where we got asked to skull 7-8 glasses of salty warm water as fast as we could. The result would be that within a few minutes, you would violently chuck up chunder spews of all your insides, which meant cleansing it out! After quickly skulling down a cup of warm salty water I was already feeling incredibly nauseous and stopped. A few minutes later I was watching and hearing people from all over the world spewing up in every direction possible. A western outsider would have thought that a good party must have taken place the night before. I was cracking up thinking this is the most ‘whacked out’ thing I have ever seen or heard.
Gota be lovin' it - Kriya time!
A few days later we got taught more advanced breathing exercises. We had to snort up through our noses very loudly and slowly, before breathing out a ‘bumble bee’ sound out of our mouths. With eighty people in a room doing this, it was like a swarm of bumblebees migrating around a hive! I was shaking my head in disbelief, trying not to crack up at the sound, while the majority of the people in the room were so concentrated and serious. When I thought things couldn’t get any more funny, we got taught about one of the Bhanda locks, which basically means clenching your anus muscle and blocking off your throat with your tongue whilst holding your breath. This means that air cannot escape from any direction possible, which enables the prana, vital energy to circulate in your body. I tried it once and tried not to laugh as I clenched my bum muscle whilst the Gurus walked around in silence correcting our stance.
We had an hour off between lectures when I’d either endure one of the most busy smelly overcrowded holy cities of India where flock loads of Indians would come on a pilgrimage to see one of the many temples, or get a reality check from home on the internet which was much needed. Asana classes (yoga) would start up again at 4pm where we would learn how to teach Yoga for two hours. Dinner, more ‘mush’ would be served up at 6pm, which I started to really enjoy and look forward to. By 8pm, another two hours of meditation and chanting would start before lights were out by 11pm. The next day would repeat again with this same routine.
On the last yoga class on the final day, I suddenly felt a deep sense of relaxation and peace as I watched the hot pink sun disappear into the hazy polluted clouds. The two hour yoga session felt like a few moments, my bodily movement felt effortless and my body and mind felt so healthy and free. During pranayama (breathing exercises), I felt so aware of every part of my body and the breath that flowed from within me. Something that I had never noticed or experienced before, but that is vital for life.
I was in disbelief when I got called forward to receive my certificate to say that I could now officially teach yoga and that soon I would be out of the locked doors where the ‘freedom of the world’ awaited me. It was the most hard core, ‘out there’ month of my life where, for the most of the time, I felt completely outside my comfort zone. It felt harder than any long mountain climb, or rock face climbed. It pushed my limits in every way possible and stretched my mind and thoughts to a whole new level.
With Cierra, A good canadian friend
At the end of the day, this is what I know I love in life…. new and dynamic experiences where you get stretched in ways you never thought were possible; remaining open to new perspectives and ways of life from around the world and not letting your ego get in the way; wanting to keep a positive attitude at times when it can feel like a dark situation; and keeping focused in the present moment.
I can see the power of yoga and how it has such a deep calming effect on me, whilst remaining a body flexible for my passion of skiing and climbing. I left with a big smile, leaving my new life long friends from all over the world heading in their separate ways.
I can now do a headstand for one minute. Maybe I will reach six minutes (in my next life?) and have the self-realisation that I am not my body nor mind.
And like Ghandi said, ‘Life is a journey, not a destination’.
** Shanti Shanti Ommmmmm ** *
My last night watching the sun go down
Peace Yo!
